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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27077209">demons</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jetplane/pseuds/jetplane'>jetplane</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020 [16]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Hallucinations, Psychosis, Schizophrenia, Whumptober 2020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-09 01:28:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,299</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27077209</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jetplane/pseuds/jetplane</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When no one has seen Reid for a week, JJ and Morgan go to his apartment to see if he's alright.</p><p> </p><p>prompt: hallucinations (day 16)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Derek Morgan &amp; Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau &amp; Spencer Reid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020 [16]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946050</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>113</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>demons</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>see endnote for content warnings</p><p><i>and at most<br/>I'm sleeping all these demons away<br/>but your ghost, the ghost of you<br/>it keeps me awake</i><br/>- “Ghost” by Ella Henderson</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Spence? Spence, are you in there?” No answer. JJ frowned and looked at Morgan. He started to dig out the key in his pocket, but she stopped him. With a turn of the handle, the door swung open. “Spencer, it’s Derek and JJ. We’re coming in, alright?” The instant her eyes registered the interior of Reid’s apartment, JJ froze so suddenly that Morgan nearly crashed into her.</p><p>The living room was a mess. Books and papers were scattered everywhere. The TV had been dumped on the floor, and his shelves of knicknacks had been overturned. An arrangement of framed photos had been destroyed apart, the glass cracked and half of the pictures torn or missing. JJ drew the gun from her holster and could hear Derek do the same behind her. They exchanged worried looks as they crept deeper into the apartment. “Reid?” he called out, the agents growing increasingly concerned as they found Spencer’s kitchen in much the same shape as his living room.</p><p>JJ led the way down the hallway and gently pushed open the bathroom door. She immediately grimaced, and Morgan peered inside. The mirror above the sink had been shattered, and there were a few still-wet drops of blood on the counter. But there was no Reid. Derek hurriedly closed the door again and followed JJ to the doctor’s bedroom. As he approached, he could just make out a voice.</p><p>The blonde agent tapped her knuckles against the partially open door. “Spencer? It’s JJ.”</p><p>The door slammed shut suddenly, making both agents jump. “No! Don’t come in!” Reid shrieked.</p><p>“Reid!” Derek shouted before he could stop himself. “Reid, what’s going on?”</p><p>“Go away! Leave me alone!”</p><p>“We’re not going anywhere, Reid,” Morgan insisted to the closed door. He tried the door handle and found it locked. “Not until you tell us what’s wrong.”</p><p>There was silence on the other end. “Spencer?” JJ asked worriedly. “Spence, please talk to us.”</p><p>A shuffling noise told the agents that Reid had moved closer to them. “Why?”</p><p>“Because we care about you, Reid, and we can tell that something’s wrong. No one’s heard from you in over a week.” Reid muttered something the others couldn’t hear. “What was that, kid?”</p><p>“I’m not talking to you! Go away!” Something hit the ground with a loud thump.</p><p>“That’s it,” Morgan said under his breath. “Reid, if you don’t open the door in the next ten seconds, I’m going to kick it in.” He didn’t respond, and the muscular agent ignored JJ’s incredulous look as he started counting. “Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One.” Derek slammed his foot into the door and it splintered open.</p><p>Standing in the middle of his bedroom was Reid, staring wide-eyed at the pair as they entered. He was wearing the same sweater he had been a week ago, and it looked like he hadn’t changed clothes since. The dark circles around his eyes were much more pronounced than usual, and there were a few scratches on the back of his hand that were actively bleeding. He looked uncertain as he recognized his friends, taking a few shaky steps backward. “You’re here?”</p><p>“Yeah, Reid, we’re here,” Morgan said slowly. “Can you tell us what’s going on now?”</p><p>Spencer just stared back at him. “You’re here,” he repeated.</p><p>“Why wouldn’t we be here, Spence?” JJ asked with a frown.</p><p>“I thought - I thought I was just hearing you,” he stammered. The doctor’s eyes darted upward, then behind him, then back at his friends.</p><p>“What are you talking about?”</p><p>“I thought you were just one of the voices.” He frowned. “You’re real?”</p><p>JJ’s stomach dropped. “Spence, have you been hearing....other...voices?” she ventured slowly, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer.</p><p>He nodded, then glanced behind him again. “They’re not real. I know they’re not real. They’re not real and you’re real and-” Reid cut off abruptly, pressing his hands over his ears as he glared at something to his left. “They won’t stop. They’re so loud that I can’t <em>think</em> and I just want them to stop.” He started to scratch at the wounds on his hands. “I can’t make them stop. I know what’s happening and I just want them to stop but they won’t stop.”</p><p>“Hey,” Morgan said. He hesitated, then decided to take a risk and pull Reid’s hands away from each other. “Kid, you’re hurting yourself.”</p><p>Spencer shook his head and yanked his hands backward. “Don’t touch me,” he warned. “You shouldn’t be around me. I’m not safe - I’m sick - you shouldn’t be here.” He backed up farther, until he was pressed against the far wall. “I don’t want to hurt you. You should leave.”</p><p>Derek raised his hands in surrender. “Okay, I’m not going to touch you. But I’m not leaving, either. Do you know what’s going on?”</p><p>He nodded shakily. “Seventy percent of people with schizophrenia experience hallucinations. The most common type is auditory hallucinations.” Reid looked at his friends. “I know the voices aren’t real. But I can hear them. I thought maybe I could ignore them, or get rid of them, but...I can’t.”</p><p>“I know,” Morgan said, trying to keep his voice soothing despite the fear that was building up in his chest. “I know this must be scary for you. But we can get you help.”</p><p>Reid shook his head. In an instant, his demeanor had changed from vulnerable to almost aggressive. “I don’t want you to help me,” he snapped. “I told you you should leave.”</p><p>“Why do you want us to leave, Spence?” JJ asked gently.</p><p>“It’s not safe.” He glanced away again, to the source of whatever voice he was currently hearing. “I’m not - I’m not safe.” His eyes darted back to JJ and his voice wavered slightly. “We’ve caught five unsubs with psychosis in the past year. Three of them had schizophrenia.”</p><p>“Are you scared that you’re going to hurt someone?” JJ questioned. Reid nodded. “Spence,” she breathed, looking devastated. “We <em>know</em> you. You could never hurt anyone.”</p><p>He shook his head again. “You don’t know that,” he insisted. “You don’t know that.” Reid turned his back to his friends and squeezed his eyes shut. “You should leave.”</p><p>“Kid.” Morgan’s voice broke ever-so-slightly. “You’re not going to hurt anyone. I promise you.”</p><p>“You can’t promise that,” he said flatly.</p><p>“Yes, I can,” Derek insisted. “Spencer, I’ve been training you for the better part of a decade. I <em>know</em> how to take you down. If something happens and you - you get scared or have a hallucination, I’ll stop you from doing anything dangerous. I promise.” Morgan knew that if he had to, he could drag his friend kicking and screaming all the way to the hospital. But he could never do that.</p><p>“Just let us get you help,” JJ begged. “Please. We’ll be with you the whole way. Just...please, Spencer. Please trust us.”</p><p>Reid turned back around. A single tear on his cheek caught the light. “I don’t - I don’t want to hurt anyone,” he whispered, sounding resigned. “But if the voices don’t go away - they won’t stop and I can’t think and... I hate this.” Another tear rolled down his cheek. “I hate this,” he repeated in a small voice.</p><p>“I know,” JJ replied compassionately. “But we’re going to get you some help, and we’re not going to stop until we figure something out.” She tentatively extended a hand to her friend. “Come on, Spence. Let’s go.” He swiped at his cheeks, and JJ could feel her own tears starting to fall. All she wanted was for her family to be safe, yet here Reid was right in front of her and it felt like there was no way she could get through to him. “Please.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>content warning for schizophrenia and hallucinations, brief mentions of blood, and mildly self-injurious behaviors (also brief)</p><p>Yeah, I know schizophrenic Reid is a little bit of a cliché, but...¯\_(ツ)_/¯</p><p>Also, if any of my readers have schizophrenia, please let me know if you feel that I represented any aspect of it badly/incorrectly and I promise to address it immediately. I'm not on the schizophrenia spectrum myself, so there's a lot I don't know about it despite my research into the condition. I want to do justice to everyone out there who does have schizophrenia because I know how much stigma there is and I don't want to play into any of the stereotypes, so please call me out if I've made any mistakes. </p><p> </p><p>  <i>these eyes sitting on the wall<br/>well they watch every move I make<br/>bright light taking in the shape<br/>you go hard, makes my spirit shake</i></p></blockquote></div></div>
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